Bullying, Conflict and, Cyberbullying Response Tips
Can you remember the schoolyard jingle that went, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? It turns out that in today’s society, this does not tell the whole story. Millions of people are affected by aggression, conflict, and bullying each year. The most radical evolution is that advances in social media, email, instant messaging, and cell phones have moved bullying from a “schoolyard fear” to a constant 24x7 threat affecting all ages.
Conflict
Conflict is a struggle between two or more people who perceive they have incompatible goals or desires. Conflict occurs naturally as we interact with one another. It is a normal that we will not always agree with other people about the things we want, what we think, or what we want to do. Most conflicts arise in the moment because people of the same relative amount of power see the same situation from two different points of view.
In a conflict, people may get frustrated and angry. Chances are the amount of emotion each person feels will be relatively equal because both are vying for what they want. In the heat of the moment, one or both people’s emotions can escalate to a conflict. All of us have known of conflicts in which people have said things to hurt one another which they later regret. Conflict now frequently happens online where the barriers to aggressive comments are much lower than when face-to-face, and the frequency of hurtful behavior is much higher than in previous generations.
People engaged in a conflict want the issue to be resolved. The “back-and-forth” that occurs is each person trying to make the case for what he or she wants. Again, this occurs frequently online and can escalate very quickly.
Bullying
Bullying behavior is very different from conflict. It is behavior that is intended to cause some kind of harm. The person doing the bullying purposely says or does something to hurt the target of their behavior.
There is always an imbalance of power (physical or social) or strength between the person doing the bullying and the target of the behavior. Traditionally, the person doing the bullying may be physically bigger or stronger, may be older, or have greater social status or social power than the person being targeted. A bully will research potential targets to find people where the imbalance of power exists. Once the imbalance is perceived to exist, the bully will take action.
Bullying is generally defined as using superior strength or influence to intimidate someone, typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is bullying. Cyberbullying takes place over digital devices like mobile phones, computers, and tablets. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else through any online media.
Please take immediate consideration to your local and state laws regarding the response and investigation of a bullying and/or cyberbullying incident. Each state has very specific laws and procedures outlined for the process and timing of incident response. In addition, consider your local laws and work closely with local law enforcement. Time is of the essence. Bullying is a serious issue, and where there are escalations and/or legal implications, involve your Safety Resource Officer and or local law enforcement immediately. Follow your policy and reporting procedures and be cautious with any potential electronic evidence.
Discovery and Identification
Determining whether the incident is conflict, bullying, or cyberbullying is very important to assisting the person sending an initial report as well as handling the associated follow up.
There are many warning signs that could indicate that an individual is involved in bullying, either by bullying others or by being bullied. However, these warning signs may indicate other issues or problems as well. Below is a list of common signs:
Being Bullied
Reluctant to go to work, school, a scheduled event, or certain public places
Silent about what is happening during the day
Frequent lost or damaged possessions
Performance or academic problems
Difficulty concentrating
Low self-esteem
Social isolation
Quiet, depressed, irritable, or anxious
Bullying Others
Gets into physical or verbal fights with others without provocation
Enjoys putting others down
Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained
Disrespects authority and disregards rules
Demonstrates an attitude of superiority
Quick to blame others
Needs to have power or control over others
Enjoys violence/violent behavior/discussing violent events
General Guidance
First one needs to determine if the type of incident, whether it’s conflict, bullying, or cyberbullying. Determining this can impact the exact timing of the response and the evidence preservation process.
Respond in a Timely Manner: With a report on conflict, bullying and or cyberbullying, time can be important as it relates to potential physical, emotional, and social media evidence preservation. One must also consider if there is a suicidal ideation and or threat of the victim.
Take the Report Seriously: Again, the reporter may be hesitant to report and feel like he or she is being a tattle tale, and unsure or even scared of what he or she is reporting as the victim. No matter what is said or reported, take the reporter seriously. In addition, where appropriate, call safety resource(s) in to assist as this is a mandated report situation.
Speak with Non-judgement: Let the reporter know that you are taking this report seriously and that others within the school will help facilitate the process. Social media should be reviewed, if applicable, and captured should there be evidence of any cyberbullying.
Keep all Evidence of Cyberbullying: STOPit’s incident management solution STOPit Admin is an automated filing system with all associated evidence. Remember that separately collected files/images, screen shots should be added to an Incident file (Using Add Media). This will be your file with screen shots, message logs, and/or all other evidence so that you can demonstrate the seriousness of the behavior and its impact.
Reporter (3rd Party): Determine if this is a self or 3rd party report. This would change the importance of the timing and escalate the need to gather further information If it’s a third-party report, ask for a name. Let them know that you want to help this person and need to reach out to them to support them.
Examples:
“What have you seen or noticed?”
“You are not going to hurt yourself, right?”
“What did he or she see?”
“What sites or apps were used?”
“Was this person incapacitated in any way?”
“Any social media considerations?”
“Any other information that you could provide to help me?”
Tips for Interaction
This type of interaction requires the administrator to determine the type of incident and then react in a timely fashion based on what is provided. If there is a report of cyberbullying, one must consider gathering specific information on the electronic media used during the incident and the potential to capture such evidence in a timely fashion.
Other Points to Remember:
When responding, always thank the individual for the information, commend them for caring about the safety of their community, and remind him or her that it will be kept confidential.
Because of state and federal law such as FERPA, data and details should not be voluntarily disclosed to any outside parties about individuals, reports, and other interactions with the individual (e.g. voluntarily provided names, personal histories, etc.).
Always keep all interactions formal and professional, as they may serve as documentation in a case file or even court proceedings in the future. A STOPit Admin Administrator should never be casual in their Messages or Notes in the system.
Note: Messenger is designed to be familiar and simple to use. Do not treat it like personal texting, even though it is a medium with which we all are extremely comfortable.
Coaching
Helping a victim of bullying can be one of the hardest things you can do, but it also is one of the most rewarding things for you to do as well. This is when you should know more information about how you can provide some sound advice for getting to start your adventure of coaching a victim of bullying.
When you are coaching a victim of bullying, you will generally want to make sure you are able to connect them with the proper support network. When you are able to help them by getting them in touch with the proper support network they can start to figure out more about what kind of changes they should be making to their life
Teaching your victim that it is okay for them to share their feelings and talk with different people who can help make a difference in their life is important to helping them recover.
Helping to boost the confidence of the victim and listening with empathy are also key.
Resources
Always provide a list of resources to the reporter
Adult Bullying Resources:
WBI is the first and only U.S. organization dedicated to the eradication of workplace bullying that combines help for individuals, research, books, public education, training for professionals-unions-employers, legislative advocacy, and consulting solutions for organizations.
Resources for Students:
StompOutBullying is a national website with a 24-7 web-chat service for teens to find access to help for support about bullying. Trained counselors monitor the chat room to provide support and assistance to teens who are looking for advice. Additionally, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s (AACP) website provides a clearinghouse of both information about bullying and cyberbullying, but also links to resources and links to counseling services in your child’s area.
Resources for School Counselors:
School counselors serve as experts on school-wide approaches to prevent bullying and encourage a positive school climate.
Resources for Parents:
Several national anti-bullying resource centers are set up to both provide information and to direct victims, parents, and educators to required resources. For example, the Victims of Crime Resource Center Hotline is reachable at 1-800-Victims, and through their website. Additionally, The Cyberbullying Research Center provides links to not only report bullying on all major social media sites, but also information and resources to victims, nationwide. StopBullying.gov also provides access to both information and links to both national phone number databanks, and links to local counselors.
Legal Disclaimer
This material is made available for education purposes only as well as to give general information and general understanding of current issues, and not to provide specific legal or process advice. This material should not be used as a substitute for your specific safety or legal advice from a licensed professional safety officer or attorney in your state.
This is not meant to be used, nor should it be used, as your safety procedure. For documentation of your safety procedure consult your safety resources at state, district, or school level as appropriate. STOPit is not responsible for any safety issue reported.